Steve's Excellent Uzbek/Kazakh Adventures Part I

In a matter of one decade Kazakhstan has gone from a little known ex-Soviet republic with nukes to a nation associated with the smash, viral hit movie, Borat. In the spring of 2010 I set out to explore this huge nation on a trip through Central Asia.

Kazakhstan can be accessed by all means of transportation to and from Russia and the other Central Asian republics. Most people fly into one of the two main cities: Almaty, the nation’s largest city and the ex-capital (more on that later) or Astana, the nation’s capital set out in the middle of nowhere. However, due to spotty flights from my point of origin, Tashkent, Uzbekistan, I decided it would be best to take a train from Tashkent to Almaty.

The scenery for 24 hours!

I’ve always loved trains and found them to be quite romantic, so the prospect of a 24-hour train ride did not faze me the least…………….until I saw the train pull up at the Tashkent Train Station. So, I was not expecting the Oriental Express or for that matter the Amtrak Empire Builder, but I at least expected something decent. I mean, after all I had taken trains all through Russia and India and survived to tell the story. How bad could it be? But as that train crept into the station I had this sinking feeling that something just wasn’t right. The voices of doubt became louder and louder. I unsuccessfully attempted to drown them out by telling myself everything would be cool since I had paid for a first class ticket (only marginally more expensive than 2^nd class).

Once the train came to a standstill, it was game time! A mad dash to find my compartment amongst a train that stretched for nearly a mile! Not. An. Easy. Task! On my ticket it indicated the number and letter of my wagon and compartment. I searched and I searched and I searched some more and absolutely no luck! Several times I stopped to ask railway staff for directions only to be met by blanks stares and rolling of the eyes. Typical Soviet service I thought! Old ways and attitudes die hard in these ex-Soviet states! In the end persistence prevailed as I found my home away from home. However, just when I thought the drama had ended I found a couple with a baby occupying my compartment. Luckily, after working out the misunderstanding I was finally “home”.

The room was ok, nothing to brag about; a small rock hard bed (I’ve literally slept on ground that was more comfortable!), a tiny nightstand and a radio built into the wall. Once I caught my breath I stepped out of my compartment and inquired about the location of the dining/snack car. The stewardess gave me a blank stare as if I’d just asked where the swimming pool was. She nastily replied with a short answer, “there is no dining car, our next stop is 8 hours away over the border in Chimkent”. Oh well…. lesson learned! I felt pretty stupid for not bringing my own drinks and snacks on board. I should’ve remembered what my Dad used to always say, “remember the six P’s, ‘Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance’ “.

As I melt in my compartment like a cheap wax candle, our train begins to slowly lurch toward the Kazakh-Uzbek border. After what seemed like several days the train finally came to a stop at the border! Now it was time to get out my papers and passport. Suddenly there was a jarring knock at my door and outside appeared a tall Uzbek soldier with gold teeth and by his side a mean junk yard dog like German Sheppard (I’m not sure the dog was any sort of drug dog, I honestly think they just found a stray German Sheppard wandering around and decided to bring him in for theatrics). Both the man and his pseudo “drug dog” looked rather threatening. Looks however can be deceiving! As he opened up the door the man smiled at me and greeted me as if I was some type of long lost friend, saying in Russian with a thick Uzbek accent, “hey brother, what’s up?”. The dog was just as kind, acting more like a poodle than some mean German Sheppard ready tear my body up a poorly designed doggy chew toy.  He stamped my passport, looked over my papers and wished me luck.

I breathed a sigh of relief after being checked out of Uzbekistan, where you never really know what’s going to happen next. Since I’d crossed over into the great nation of Kazakhstan, I naively thought it would nothing but smooth sailing ahead full of green meadows of milk and honey. Nothing could’ve further from the truth!! In the words of the announcer from the old 1960s/70s Batman episodes, “the worst was yet to come”! Tune in again for another installment of “Steve’s Excellent Central Asian Adventure”, same Kazakh station, same Kazakh time (another rip off from the Batman TV series).

Kazakh/Uzbek border! Exciting huh?